The Night I Finally Got It
I thought I knew how to spank.
I’d seen it in porn. Read the forums. Hell, I’d been doing it for six months. She seemed to like it—made the right sounds, got wet, asked for more.
But something was off.
I was going through the motions. Hit her ass. Watch it turn red. Feel dominant. Repeat. It was… fine. But it wasn’t electric. It wasn’t the kind of scene that stayed with you for days.
Then one night, I changed exactly one thing.
I stopped trying to spank her properly.
Instead, I put my hand on her ass—just resting there, no impact—and paid attention. Really paid attention. To the heat radiating from her skin. The slight tension in her muscles. The way her breath caught when my fingers flexed.
I stayed there. Ten seconds. Twenty.
“Sir?” she whispered.
The uncertainty in her voice. The anticipation. The fact that she had no idea what I was going to do next.
That’s when I struck.
Not hard. Medium pressure. But the build-up made it land different. She gasped—not from pain, but from release. All that tension I’d built just exploded out of her.
One spank. More impact than twenty “proper” ones.
That’s when I understood: spanking isn’t about hitting. It’s about control. Anticipation. The psychological game underneath the physical act.
Everything I thought I knew was wrong.
What The Fantasy Factory Sold You
Here’s what you think spanking is:
Bend her over. Spank her ass. She moans. You feel powerful. Done.
That’s the cartoon version. The performance. All mechanics, no gravity.
Here’s what spanking actually is:
It’s a conversation between your hand and her nervous system. Between her trust and your control. Between the pain she surrenders to and the pleasure you weave through it.
It’s psychological warfare dressed up as physical play.
The impact matters. But the impact is the least important part.
I see guys obsessing over technique—angle of the hand, rotation of the wrist, how to cup the palm. Missing the entire point. You’re not trying to perfect a tennis serve. You’re trying to take control of someone’s entire sensory experience.
That requires presence. Not precision.
Before You Touch Her: What She Actually Wants
This is the part The Fantasy Factory skips.
You can’t just decide “tonight I’m going to spank her” and expect it to work. Well, you can. But it’ll feel like you’re following a script instead of creating an experience.
Here’s what I do now:
Reading The Moment
Is she stressed? Tight shoulders. Overthinking face. She needs grounding—firm, rhythmic spanking that gets her out of her head and into her body.
Is she teasing you? Playful. A little bratty. She needs punishment spanking—harder strikes, less gentleness, the feeling of consequences.
Is she already submissive? Soft eyes. Waiting for direction. She needs worship spanking—building slowly, mixing pain with pleasure, making her feel desired.
These are different kinds of spanking. Same hand. Different psychology.
Most guys miss this. They have one spanking mode. It works sometimes. Other times she’s just tolerating it because she likes you.
You can do better.
Negotiation (Without Killing The Mood)
I used to think negotiation meant sitting down with a checklist. “Do you consent to spanking? Rate your desired intensity on a scale of 1 to 10.”
That’s not negotiation. That’s a deposition.
Here’s how I do it now:
We’re making out. Things are heating up. I break the kiss, look at her.
“I want to bend you over and make your ass red.”
I watch her reaction. Does she lean in? That’s a yes. Does she tense? That’s a “maybe but I’m nervous.” Does she pull back? That’s a no.
If it’s yes or maybe: “Tell me your color if it’s too much. Red to stop, yellow to ease up.”
That’s it. Consent established. Safeword confirmed. Mood intact.
If she’s new to this, I add: “I’ll start light. We’ll build from there. You’re in control of how far this goes.”
Because here’s the thing: she needs to feel safe before she can surrender. Rushing past that step means you’re not getting real submission. You’re getting tolerance.
Those aren’t the same thing.
The Fundamentals: What Actually Matters
Forget what you saw in porn. Here’s what works.
Positions That Work
Over your lap: This is where you start. Classic for a reason. She’s close to you, you can feel her responses, you have control of her entire body. Your non-spanking hand can rest on her lower back—grounding, dominant, reassuring.
What I do: Guide her down slowly. Adjust her position—ass up, legs slightly apart. Make her feel positioned, not just lying there. That psychological element of being placed exactly where you want her.
Bent over furniture: Bed, couch, chair. More intense psychologically—she’s exposed, vulnerable. You’re standing, dominant. Good for when you’ve built up to harder spanking.
The mistake I made: putting her in this position too early. She felt exposed in a bad way—self-conscious instead of submissive. Now I save this for when she’s already deep into the scene.
On all fours: Most vulnerable. She’s holding herself in position. Her muscles are engaged. She can drop to her elbows if it gets intense. Advanced position because it requires more endurance from her.
When I use this: When she’s already aroused. When I know she can handle it. When I want her to feel every ounce of her submission.
Standing, hands on wall: Least vulnerable. She can step away if needed. Good for beginners or when you’re testing intensity levels.
Hand Technique (The Real Version)
Your hand should be slightly cupped. Not flat (sounds worse than it feels, too stingy). Not fully cupped (too thuddy, not enough sting). Slight cup.
Why? You’re creating a pocket of air that compresses on impact. Creates that satisfying sound without requiring excessive force.
Strike with your whole arm, not just your wrist. Wrist snaps look good in porn but they’re weak. You want your shoulder, your core, your weight behind it. Controlled power.
Where your hand lands matters:
The sweet spot: Fleshiest part of her ass. Lower than you think—almost where ass meets thigh. This is where you can strike hardest without risking injury.
Upper ass: Closer to her lower back. Less flesh, more bony structure underneath. Medium intensity only. Too hard here hurts wrong.
Sit spots: Where her ass meets the backs of her thighs. Very sensitive. Use this for punishment moments—she’ll feel it every time she sits down tomorrow.
Thighs: Inner or outer. Inner is more intimate, more vulnerable. Outer is less sensitive. Both are advanced targets—easy to hit too hard.
Where you don’t hit: Tailbone. Lower back. Spine. Hips. Anywhere bony. Ever. This isn’t optional.
Rhythm and Progression
This is where most guys fuck it up.
They think intensity = good. More intensity = more good. So they start medium and go to hard as fast as possible.
Wrong.
Your progression should look like this:
Phase 1 - Warmup (5-10 minutes): Light spanks. Almost gentle. You’re getting blood flowing to the area. Making the skin more receptive to harder impact. Building anticipation.
One cheek. Then the other. Rhythmic. She can predict it. Her body relaxes into the pattern.
Phase 2 - Building (10-15 minutes): Medium intensity. Still rhythmic, but now you’re breaking the rhythm occasionally. Two spanks on the right instead of alternating. A slightly harder strike when she’s not expecting it.
She can’t quite predict you anymore. Her nervous system is engaged.
Phase 3 - Intensity (5-10 minutes): This is where you deliver the harder strikes she was anticipating. But not constant. Mix hard with medium with light. Keep her guessing.
The hard strikes feel harder because of the contrast. That’s the point.
Phase 4 - Wind Down (5 minutes): Back to medium, then back to light. Then just your palm resting on the warm spots. Letting her feel the heat radiating from her skin.
Never just stop. The transition out is as important as the transition in.
The Mistake Everyone Makes
You’re spanking her. She’s responding well. Making good sounds. Her ass is getting red.
So you keep going at that intensity.
Five minutes pass. Ten. She’s still taking it, but something changed. The sounds are less genuine. Her body’s tenser. She’s enduring, not enjoying.
What happened?
You missed her plateau.
Every submissive has a threshold where more intensity stops adding to the experience and starts subtracting from it. You crossed it without noticing.
How I avoid this now: I watch for the peak.
There’s a moment—usually 2-3 minutes into harder spanking—where she completely surrenders. Her whole body relaxes. She stops bracing for impact. She just takes it.
That’s the peak.
I stay there for another minute or two. Then I pull back before she starts to plateau. Wind down. Let her miss it.
That wanting more—that’s better than giving her too much.
Reading Her During: The Real Skill
Technique is easy. Any idiot can learn to swing his hand.
Reading her? That’s where dominance lives.
Body Language That Tells You Everything
She’s into it:
- Arching her back, pushing her ass toward you
- Spreading her legs wider without being told
- That full-body shiver after a particularly good strike
- Relaxing into the position instead of bracing
- Getting visibly wet (yes, check—this is useful information)
She’s not sure:
- Tensing before each strike (anxiety, not anticipation)
- Shifting position frequently (discomfort, not squirming)
- Going quiet when she was verbal before
- Breath holding (stress response, not processing sensation)
She’s checked out:
- Complete stillness (disconnection, not submission)
- No reaction to strikes that should get a reaction
- Glazed eyes, not focused eyes
- Breathing that’s too regular (she’s not present)
When I see the middle category: “Color?”
When I see the third category: We stop. Immediately. Something’s wrong. Maybe she’s in her head. Maybe I pushed too far. Maybe she wasn’t in the right headspace to begin with. Doesn’t matter. The scene is over.
You don’t power through disconnection hoping it’ll get better. It won’t.
Sound and Breathing
Moaning? Good. Gasping? Good. “Yes” or “please” or “more”? Very good.
But silence isn’t bad. Some submissives go quiet when they’re deep. You need to know your partner.
What I listen for is changes. If she was vocal and now she’s silent, something shifted. If she was quiet and now she’s chatty, she might be trying to distract from discomfort.
Breathing is more reliable:
Deep, rhythmic breathing: She’s in the zone. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Sharp inhale, slow exhale: Processing intense sensation well. Push a little more if you want.
Rapid, shallow breathing: Overwhelmed. Ease up or check in.
Holding her breath: Stop. Right now. She’s in stress mode, not submission mode.
The Pause
Here’s a technique that took me years to trust:
Stop.
You’re spanking her. She’s responding beautifully. Everything’s working.
Stop anyway.
Put your hand on her ass. Just resting there. No impact. Feel the heat. The slight tremor in her muscles.
Wait.
Five seconds. Ten. Twenty.
She doesn’t know what you’re doing. Is the scene over? Are you getting a toy? Are you about to spank her again?
That not-knowing? That’s the most intense part.
Her whole nervous system is oriented toward your next move. She’s completely present. Completely yours.
Then you strike. Once. She gasps like it’s the first one all over again.
That’s what the pause does. It resets her anticipation. Makes every strike after feel fresh.
Common Mistakes (What Pretenders Get Wrong)
Mistake 1: Spanking Like You’re Trying to Hurt Her
You saw that porn where the guy’s just wailing on her ass. Looks intense. That’s what dominance looks like, right?
No. That’s what performance looks like.
Real spanking—the kind that actually reaches her—isn’t about maximum force. It’s about the right force, in the right place, at the right time.
I’ve had submissives come harder from a perfectly-timed medium spank than from hard strikes that had no psychological build-up.
The impact is theater. The anticipation is the show.
Mistake 2: Same Intensity For Every Strike
You’re a metronome. Smack. Smack. Smack. Same force, same rhythm, same everything.
She gets used to it. Her nervous system adapts. After five minutes, she’s barely feeling it.
Vary your strikes:
- Two light, one hard
- Rhythmic series, then pause, then one unexpected strike
- Three on the right, one on the left
- Medium-medium-soft-HARD
Keep her guessing. The moment she thinks she knows what’s coming, prove her wrong.
Mistake 3: Skipping The Warmup
You’re eager. She says she likes it hard. So you start hard.
Her ass isn’t ready. The skin isn’t flooded with blood yet. That first hard strike hurts wrong. She tenses. Now you’re fighting her stress response instead of building on her arousal.
I don’t care how much she says she can take it. I don’t care if you’ve done this a hundred times before. You warm up first.
Five minutes of light to medium strikes. Every time. No exceptions.
Your ego might want to skip it. Your dominance requires it.
Mistake 4: Making It About You
You’re spanking her because it makes you feel dominant. Because her red ass is hot. Because you like the power.
All valid. But the moment it’s only about that? She can tell.
Real dominance is making her feel so good that she surrenders. Making her want it so badly that she begs for it. Creating an experience she couldn’t get anywhere else.
That requires putting her experience first.
Your pleasure comes from her surrender. Not from your performance.
Mistake 5: Forgetting Her Ass Isn’t The Only Target
You’re focused on her ass. Makes sense. It’s called spanking, right?
But her entire body is involved:
Your non-spanking hand: Use it. On her lower back (grounding). In her hair (control). Between her legs (reward). On her neck (dominance).
Your voice: Tell her she’s doing well. Tell her what you’re going to do to her. Tell her how good she looks.
Your presence: Stand closer. Step back. Let her feel your weight shift.
Her ass is getting the impacts. But her whole body—her whole mind—should be engaged.
Aftercare: What Happens After The Last Strike
Scene’s over. Her ass is red. She’s breathing hard. Maybe she came. Maybe she didn’t. Doesn’t matter.
What matters is the next fifteen minutes.
This is where Pretenders fail.
They think the scene ends with the last spank. It doesn’t. It ends when she’s fully back in her body and you’ve both processed what just happened.
Physical Aftercare
Immediate:
- Stop all impact
- Place your hand gently on the warm spots
- Let her feel the transition from pain to comfort
First five minutes:
- Help her shift position slowly (she might be shaky)
- Bring her water (dehydration is real)
- Cover her with a blanket (temperature regulation crashes post-scene)
Check the damage:
- Look at her ass. How red is it? Any marks that concern you?
- Ask if anything hurts in a bad way (joint pain, muscle strain, etc.)
- Apply lotion if she wants it (some do, some don’t—ask)
Emotional Aftercare
This is what separates good dominants from great ones.
Reassurance: “You did so well.” “I’m proud of you.” “You’re safe.”
These aren’t optional platitudes. After intense submission, she needs to hear that she’s valued. That this wasn’t just you using her. That her surrender mattered.
Physical closeness: Hold her. If she wants space, give space. But most submissives need physical reassurance after a scene.
I usually have her head on my chest, my hand in her hair. Grounding. Present. “I’ve got you.”
Processing: Not immediately. Give her 10-15 minutes to come back to her body first.
Then: “How was that for you?”
Listen. Really listen.
What worked? What didn’t? Was there a moment that was particularly intense? Anything that felt off?
This isn’t about your ego. This is about building a better scene next time.
Aftercare For You
Here’s what nobody tells you:
Doms need aftercare too.
You just orchestrated an intense experience. Held complete responsibility for someone’s physical and emotional safety. Made dozens of split-second decisions about intensity, pacing, her state.
That’s exhausting.
Sometimes I finish a scene and I’m shaky. Sometimes I’m emotionally raw. Sometimes I feel guilty about the marks I left, even though she wanted them.
That’s top drop. It’s real.
What I do:
- Talk through the scene with her (helps me process)
- Take time alone if I need it (twenty minutes of quiet)
- Physical comfort (sometimes I need to be held too)
- Check in with myself the next day
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.
Your Growth: What Spanking Teaches You About Dominance
Here’s what I’ve learned from thousands of spanks:
Presence Over Performance
Early on, I was so focused on technique that I missed her. Missed the slight tension that meant she needed reassurance. Missed the relaxation that meant I could push harder. Missed the moment to stop.
Spanking taught me: technique matters less than attention.
Now I can deliver a mediocre spank with perfect presence and it lands better than a textbook-perfect strike when I’m distracted.
Your job isn’t to be technically perfect. It’s to be completely there.
Control Is Given, Not Taken
You can force someone to endure spanking. That’s easy.
Getting someone to surrender to it? To want it? To beg for more?
That requires earning her trust. Understanding what she needs. Creating the conditions where submission feels better than control.
You don’t take dominance. She gives it to you because you’ve proven you deserve it.
The Power Of Restraint
The hardest thing I learned: sometimes the most dominant move is pulling back.
She’s begging for more. You could go harder. But you know—you can feel it—that she’s approaching her limit.
So you don’t.
You ease up instead. Make her wait. Make her earn the harder strikes.
That restraint? That’s more dominant than any amount of force.
Because it shows you’re in control. Not just of her body. But of the entire experience.
Quick Reference: The Essentials
Before you start:
- Read her emotional state
- Establish safeword (red/yellow/green)
- Start in an easy position (over your lap)
- Have water and blanket ready for aftercare
Safe zones (where to hit):
- Fleshiest part of ass (lower than you think)
- Sit spots (where ass meets thighs)
- Upper thighs (medium intensity only)
Never hit:
- Tailbone or spine
- Lower back or kidneys
- Hips or any bony areas
- Never strike with full force on first hit
Progression:
- Warmup: 5-10 min light strikes
- Building: 10-15 min medium, break rhythm
- Intensity: 5-10 min harder (with contrast)
- Wind down: 5 min back to light, then just warmth
Good signs:
- Arching toward you
- Spreading legs wider
- Visible arousal
- Deep, rhythmic breathing
- Relaxing into strikes
Warning signs:
- Tensing before strikes
- Breath holding
- Going silent (if she was vocal)
- Complete stillness
- No reaction to impact
When in doubt: “Color?”
Aftercare (non-negotiable):
- Water and warmth
- Physical reassurance
- Verbal praise
- Processing conversation
- Check yourself too (top drop is real)
The Real Thing
The Fantasy Factory sold you a simple story: spank her, she likes it, you’re dominant.
That’s not spanking. That’s paint-by-numbers with someone’s ass.
Real spanking—the kind that creates experiences neither of you forget—requires:
Presence. You’re not going through motions. You’re completely there, reading every signal, adjusting in real-time.
Psychology. The anticipation matters more than the impact. The pause is more powerful than the strike.
Care. You’re not trying to hurt her. You’re trying to take her somewhere she can’t go alone.
When you get it right—when you build the tension perfectly, read her body like a language, deliver exactly the intensity she needs exactly when she needs it—something happens that’s bigger than the physical act.
She surrenders. Completely. Not because you forced her. Because you made her feel safe enough to choose it.
That’s not performance. That’s presence.
That’s not The Costume. That’s gravity.
That’s not the Fantasy Factory version.
That’s The Real Thing.
And she can tell the difference. Every single time.
Now stop reading and start paying attention.
Your hand knows what to do. Your presence will tell it when.
—Sir Linus
