In the realm of BDSM, the practice of aftercare – taking care of each other’s emotional and physical needs after a scene – is universally acknowledged. However, what aftercare looks like can significantly vary from one person to another. This is because each individual is unique, with specific needs, preferences, and responses to stimuli. Therefore, the “one-size-fits-all” approach to aftercare does not apply. This article delves into how to customize aftercare to suit individual needs in dominant/submissive (Dom/Sub) relationships.
Understanding Individual Needs
The first step to customizing aftercare is understanding the individual needs of both the dominant and the submissive. While it’s often perceived that aftercare primarily benefits the submissive, dominants can also benefit from aftercare as BDSM scenes can be emotionally and physically demanding for them too.
- Submissive needs: The submissive may need physical care, such as soothing aches or treating marks left from the play. They might also require emotional support to come down from the adrenaline and endorphin rush, which might involve cuddling, words of affirmation, or quiet time together.
- Dominant needs: Dominants may need to see visible signs that their submissive is okay to counteract feelings of guilt or anxiety that can sometimes follow a scene. They may also need emotional reassurance, validation, or physical comfort.
Steps to Customizing Aftercare
Here are some steps to create a custom aftercare plan:
- Open Communication: Have detailed conversations about what each partner finds helpful during aftercare. Discuss individual likes, dislikes, and what kind of care is needed after different types of scenes.
- Trial and Error: Aftercare needs may not be evident immediately. It might take several scenes to figure out what type of aftercare works best. Be patient and willing to adjust as needed.
- Continuous Reevaluation: People change, and so do their needs. What worked in aftercare a few months ago might not work now. Keep the lines of communication open and regularly discuss aftercare needs.
Incorporating Individual Preferences
The key to customizing aftercare lies in incorporating individual preferences. If a submissive finds comfort in physical contact, include lots of cuddles in your aftercare routine. If a Dominant needs verbal validation, ensure you take the time to affirm them verbally after a scene.
Remember, no two people are the same, and no two aftercare routines should be either. By recognizing and addressing individual needs, you can make aftercare a deeply personal and comforting experience, further strengthening your bond in the Dom/Sub relationship.
